🔗 Share this article Those Advice from A Dad Which Helped Me during my time as a New Father "I think I was simply just surviving for twelve months." One-time reality TV star Ryan Libbey thought he would to handle the difficulties of becoming a dad. Yet the reality rapidly turned out to be "utterly different" to what he'd imagined. Life-threatening health issues surrounding the birth resulted in his partner Louise being hospitalised. Suddenly he was thrust into acting as her primary caregiver as well as taking care of their infant son Leo. "I handled all the nights, each diaper… every walk. The job of mother and father," Ryan explained. After nearly a year he became exhausted. It was a chat with his father, on a bench in the park, that helped him see he required support. The simple statement "You are not in a good spot. You need some help. What can I do to assist you?" created an opening for Ryan to express himself truthfully, seek support and start recovering. His situation is not uncommon, but infrequently talked about. Although the public is now better used to discussing the strain on moms and about postpartum depression, less is said about the challenges dads face. 'It's not weak to seek assistance Ryan feels his challenges are symptomatic of a broader reluctance to talk amongst men, who still absorb damaging perceptions of manhood. Men, he says, often feel they must be "the rock that just gets smashed and stays upright every time." "It's not a sign of failure to ask for help. I didn't do that fast enough," he clarifies. Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher who studies mental health before and after childbirth, says men often don't want to admit they're finding things difficult. They can believe they are "not the right person to be asking for help" - particularly in preference to a new mother and infant - but she emphasises their mental health is equally important to the family. Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad gave him the chance to request a pause - spending a short trip away, away from the domestic setting, to gain perspective. He understood he needed to make a shift to focus on his and his partner's emotional states as well as the day-to-day duties of taking care of a new baby. When he was honest with Louise, he realised he'd failed to notice "what she longed for" -holding her hand and paying attention to her words. 'Parenting yourself That insight has transformed how Ryan perceives being a dad. He's now penning Leo letters each week about his experiences as a dad, which he wishes his son will read as he grows up. Ryan hopes these will assist his son better understand the language of emotional life and understand his approach to fatherhood. The notion of "reparenting" is something artist Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old. When he was young Stephen lacked reliable male a father figure. Even with having an "amazing" connection with his dad, deep-held emotional pain meant his father found it hard to cope and was "in and out" of his life, complicating their bond. Stephen says bottling up emotions led him to make "terrible actions" when younger to change how he was feeling, finding solace in alcohol and substances as a way out from the hurt. "You gravitate to behaviours that don't help," he says. "They may briefly alter how you feel, but they will ultimately cause more harm." Tips for Coping as a First-Time Parent Open up to someone - if you're feeling swamped, speak to a friend, your other half or a therapist how you're feeling. This can to reduce the stress and make you feel more supported. Maintain your passions - make time for the things that made you feel like you before having a baby. Examples include playing sport, seeing friends or a favourite hobby. Don't ignore the body - a good diet, getting some exercise and when you can, resting, all are important in how your mental state is faring. Meet other first-time fathers - hearing about their stories, the messy ones, as well as the positive moments, can help to put into perspective how you're experiencing things. Remember that requesting help is not failure - looking after yourself is the best way you can look after your family. When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen understandably found it hard to accept the death, having been out of touch with him for many years. In his current role as a parent, Stephen's determined not to "repeat the pattern" with his own son and instead give the security and nurturing he missed out on. When his son starts to have a outburst, for example, they practise "shaking it out" together - processing the frustrations safely. Both Ryan and Stephen explain they have become improved and more well-rounded men because they faced their pain, changed how they express themselves, and taught themselves to manage themselves for their children. "I have improved at… dealing with things and managing things," says Stephen. "I put that down in a note to Leo last week," Ryan shares. "I expressed, sometimes I feel like my job is to guide and direct you on life, but the truth is, it's a exchange. I am understanding just as much as you are on this path."
"I think I was simply just surviving for twelve months." One-time reality TV star Ryan Libbey thought he would to handle the difficulties of becoming a dad. Yet the reality rapidly turned out to be "utterly different" to what he'd imagined. Life-threatening health issues surrounding the birth resulted in his partner Louise being hospitalised. Suddenly he was thrust into acting as her primary caregiver as well as taking care of their infant son Leo. "I handled all the nights, each diaper… every walk. The job of mother and father," Ryan explained. After nearly a year he became exhausted. It was a chat with his father, on a bench in the park, that helped him see he required support. The simple statement "You are not in a good spot. You need some help. What can I do to assist you?" created an opening for Ryan to express himself truthfully, seek support and start recovering. His situation is not uncommon, but infrequently talked about. Although the public is now better used to discussing the strain on moms and about postpartum depression, less is said about the challenges dads face. 'It's not weak to seek assistance Ryan feels his challenges are symptomatic of a broader reluctance to talk amongst men, who still absorb damaging perceptions of manhood. Men, he says, often feel they must be "the rock that just gets smashed and stays upright every time." "It's not a sign of failure to ask for help. I didn't do that fast enough," he clarifies. Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher who studies mental health before and after childbirth, says men often don't want to admit they're finding things difficult. They can believe they are "not the right person to be asking for help" - particularly in preference to a new mother and infant - but she emphasises their mental health is equally important to the family. Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad gave him the chance to request a pause - spending a short trip away, away from the domestic setting, to gain perspective. He understood he needed to make a shift to focus on his and his partner's emotional states as well as the day-to-day duties of taking care of a new baby. When he was honest with Louise, he realised he'd failed to notice "what she longed for" -holding her hand and paying attention to her words. 'Parenting yourself That insight has transformed how Ryan perceives being a dad. He's now penning Leo letters each week about his experiences as a dad, which he wishes his son will read as he grows up. Ryan hopes these will assist his son better understand the language of emotional life and understand his approach to fatherhood. The notion of "reparenting" is something artist Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old. When he was young Stephen lacked reliable male a father figure. Even with having an "amazing" connection with his dad, deep-held emotional pain meant his father found it hard to cope and was "in and out" of his life, complicating their bond. Stephen says bottling up emotions led him to make "terrible actions" when younger to change how he was feeling, finding solace in alcohol and substances as a way out from the hurt. "You gravitate to behaviours that don't help," he says. "They may briefly alter how you feel, but they will ultimately cause more harm." Tips for Coping as a First-Time Parent Open up to someone - if you're feeling swamped, speak to a friend, your other half or a therapist how you're feeling. This can to reduce the stress and make you feel more supported. Maintain your passions - make time for the things that made you feel like you before having a baby. Examples include playing sport, seeing friends or a favourite hobby. Don't ignore the body - a good diet, getting some exercise and when you can, resting, all are important in how your mental state is faring. Meet other first-time fathers - hearing about their stories, the messy ones, as well as the positive moments, can help to put into perspective how you're experiencing things. Remember that requesting help is not failure - looking after yourself is the best way you can look after your family. When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen understandably found it hard to accept the death, having been out of touch with him for many years. In his current role as a parent, Stephen's determined not to "repeat the pattern" with his own son and instead give the security and nurturing he missed out on. When his son starts to have a outburst, for example, they practise "shaking it out" together - processing the frustrations safely. Both Ryan and Stephen explain they have become improved and more well-rounded men because they faced their pain, changed how they express themselves, and taught themselves to manage themselves for their children. "I have improved at… dealing with things and managing things," says Stephen. "I put that down in a note to Leo last week," Ryan shares. "I expressed, sometimes I feel like my job is to guide and direct you on life, but the truth is, it's a exchange. I am understanding just as much as you are on this path."