🔗 Share this article Balancing the Yearning for Spontaneous Intimacy While Seeking a Meaningful Relationship Being a gay man in my late 40s, I’ve spent numerous, largely pleasurable years engaging in spontaneous encounters with other men from my teenage years. In my 30s, I was in a committed partnership that lasted a significant period, but it never fully satisfied me, because I didn't experience love nor intimately fulfilled. The fact is that I have always craved uncommitted intimacy. Whenever I start to date a potential partner, when the initial excitement dwindles, I always get the urge to have sex with new partners again. Questioning the Possibility of Monogamy I am now wondering whether it's possible for me to maintain a faithful partnership. I understand that many gay men engage in open relationships, yet when I’ve witnessed them, they appear like hard work, frequently causing significant pain and jealousy for everyone involved. In many ways, I want another man to care for me while letting me pursue other intimacies, however I fear the psychological toll this would cause. Is it best to keep having spontaneous encounters and acknowledge that a lasting partnership is not possible? I’m feeling somewhat confused. Every person’s sexual journey varies. Try not to think about what you require in partnerships or your ability to tolerate various forms of sexual unions in a finite way. What you need as you are experiencing them now may well change in the future; eventually you might become more decisive and discover greater understanding and a comfortable path … or not. At some point you could encounter someone offering a transformative opportunity for you by reflecting your desires in a holistic fashion … and at another point you may choose that casual connections suit you best. Fretting over what lies ahead and engaging in endless speculation is simply rooted in fear and squandering of your energy. Try to be in the moment in your relationships, and see the value of each person with whom you might have a sexual connection. If and when you are ever ready to strengthen true intimacy with a single person, it will be clear. Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a American therapy professional who specialises in addressing sexual disorders.